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*during the morning peak hour, a man in office attire boarded the bus, with a toddler in tow.*

*i watched the girl trace alphabets in a tiny book with her father's pen till i nodded off"

then i heard...

father:
"vicky, CANNOT!
it's too soft. u see, it's so flimsy. it's NO USE!
you have to make it HARD!"

turns out the daughter had tried to write with the book on the seat instead of the window. GO FIGURE.

* * *

while queueing for my iced milo, i witnessed BIA.

bitch:
"ahlo, i wan milo."

tiong cashier:
"hawt or kold?"

bitch:
"hawt, vvvery hawt. i wan hawt hawt one...
...and i dow wan too much milk. u put and i see, i guide u."

*dulan ah ma took over the order*

bitch:
"lemme guide u. u just put. I GUIDE U!"

*dulan ah ma nodded her head in acknowledgement, then proceeded to scoop out milo powder from the tin*

*before dulan ah ma poured in the first rounded tablespoon*

bitch:
"OK! enuff!"

*dulan ah ma sian 1/2, poured in the powder and turned around to fill the cup with hot water*

*milo is ready*

dulan ah ma (served the milo):
"lai! hot milo."

bitch:
"no spoon ah?"

tiong cashier (pointed at the tray of plastic stirrers):
"ngoh!"

bitch:
"oh that is not a spoon, that is called a spatula. a spoon is a spoon, a spatula is a spatula, a spatula is not a spoon."

*tiong cashier rolled her eyes towards me while bitch paid for the milo"

bitch:
"still dont want to give spoon ah?"

*dulan ah ma gestured at the same tray"

bitch:
"plastic u know?"

*dulan ah ma dug up a teaspoon from the sink and dumped it on her saucer*

i should be studying for my financial accounting quiz now but an email earlier just kind of killed my mood. i should have known better. oh well, at least i know the answer now.

i guess staying put aint gonna be all bad. the general direction for the next 3 years is now clearer than ever. it will be boring, it will be tedious, it will be wearisome. what comes after is really a mystery, it might just be another boring decade. we'll see.

was telling melf the other day about what my prof said about me, that i am still quite aimless in life n in the midst of finding my niche. i have no idea what i really want n melf said it's always the case, we only know what we dont want. so i guess i can give myself a bit more time n be a happy boy for now.

it's about time i start learning how to drive. everyone's been asking about my license, which has got me quite sick of explaining. n im getting pissed at having to hitch a ride every time there's sailing. n i wanna bring my sistas out once in a while.

so...i think im gonna start at the end of this year n aim to get my license within half a year (im not v smart, so im giving myself some time). which means i need to sign up for btt n ftt probably in november, right after my finals.

ppl, remind me.

yes! end of horrible week 3! = cleared econometrics assignment one, cleared computer as analysis tool assignment one, cleared one n only economic development presentation, n SCORE! for second accounting quiz. SHIOKS! n to top it up, no training this weekend! NAICE!

i think everyone hates me now cos i keep disappearing once lesson ends, to study or to sleep or just do my own random stuff. but i cant help it, i only have that many hours n im not that smart. i really need all that time to study n rest so that the information goes in. so please stop complaining when i reject invitations. u will just be giving me additional stress. just let me be through with all these shit n i will hang out with u guys, as a happier me.

made up my mind about elections. i would wanna be somebody (looks nice on resume n make myself feel important) but i think my grades cant afford it. so no ssu, no econs, no sailing. i think i can still contribute to these fraternities in my own little ways without being a part of the committee. if others fail to see it my way, then i cant help it. if i need to quit i will. im just gonna do what i feel is best for myself. be selfish for once.

n lately, love comes aknocking one too many times. where's guan-yin-ma.com when u need it? i seriously dont know how to handle the deluge of emotions. fuck.

i cant exactly remember when i was first allowed to use a pen for my assignments but i remember when i was given the permission, i was overjoyed. i experimented with different pens and arrived at the conclusion that my pen must be gel-ink, no thinner than 0.5, non-scratchy, doesnt spoil easily, yada yada. and i was willing to spend insane amounts of money on them. but when i returned to school after a two-year hiatus, the type of pens didnt matter that much anymore. i will just grab any pen i could find.

just like in life, i was a perfectionist and expected the finest things out of my life. but as the years go by, certain things became less important and i no longer demanded as much from them. now there are only certain things i wanna do in life. n these r definitely not things that will guarantee the best out of life. but i guess they are what makes me happy.

it's been a while since i blogged. but nothing much has changed. i still HATE my school. thankfully, bus 36 makes the hatred a little more tolerable.

maybe cos im not an exceptionally bright student in school (read: not a dean's lister, not double degree student, not a gpa 4.3/4.0 student). maybe cos i keep bumping into sickening assholes who are either so pretentious or just plain evil. or maybe a bit of both.

then again, year one has been pretty eventful. although i was mostly out in the water instead of the library. but i had fun.

thanks econs, dboat, sailing, ssu and anyone else i cant recall now.

in three weeks, school will start again. i will be a sophomore. i am actually excited about it, cos it will mean the end of econs camp. and i have great plans this fall.

i guess im one step clearer to knowing what i want.

im really sick and tired of working with this committee. it's the worst group i ever had in smu. it really makes me wonder why smu accepted these idiots. i never wanna see them again when it ends.

it's been a while since i updated my blog. one would gather that 1) either i lead so interesting a life that im too busy to blog about it or im just a boring person with nothing to blog about, & 2) either blogs are too passe for me or im not tech-savvy enough for it.

truth is, i cant write, anymore. i had never found pleasure in writing and i was never good at it. so when i was done with a levels, i ditched what formed a crucial component of academic assessment with haste. returning to school, i found it hard to write again, so i did the minimal amount of writing a college student could possibly manage. and as time went by, i lost the ability to write. i know that skill is still embedded somewhere deep in my brain but i just dont wish to go through all the trouble of re-ignition.
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finally went to see an acupuncturist about my lower back ache after reading in the papers that it proved more effective than physiotherapy. feeling a wee bit better but not sure if it's really effective. so decided to sit out of gym this morning. i really hope it gets better. i dont want it to turn into chronic back pain.
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i feel really poor these days. i wish i had been a little more diligent and prepared my cv and cover letter for internship. but it would mean a busy summer instead. i havent had a break for very long. but i dont want a break when im poor. and this break is far too long to be poor. anyone with lobangs, please recommend.

im quite scheming when im poor. i've been trying to influence dad to buy a smaller apartment in a smaller estate with little or no facilities (since we spend less than 5 waking hours at home each day), so that he can give me the surplus from the sale of our current residence, in allowance. believe it or not, i actually lie to my parents about how much money i have to make them think im really poor so that they will give me more to save. i feel bad.
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sometimes i wish all these peach blossoms would go away. they are never the right ones. im much better by myself.
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i know im such a sucker for oldies these days. sorry.

was very homesick in pattaya. never have i felt it so strongly.
almost bought an earlier ticket to come back, alone. that was how strong it is.
still am homesick even though ive been home for more than 24 hours. i dont know y.
maybe im just too worn out from all the training and races.
or maybe, im just missing my two dearests, one in japan n the other in europe.

random: interesting sight i saw this morning. the sun was scorching but raindrops pattered down silently. as if the weather was trying too hard to smile radiantly, that it melted the sadness veiled by the blinding rays.

supposed to meet a friend for dinner at ikea but last minute pangseh-ed. n it is too late to go for the dboat dinner at holland v now. so i just rented myself slumdog millionaire to live through the night. not cheap. but a voice beckoned from within: "be good to yourself."

right now i just wanna be a lonely millionaire.

in a certain prof-student email exchange...
"...One word of advice: you are really strong in your oral communication skills, but your written communication skills need strengthening. Could I encourage you to work on them this summer as well as during your next three years here at S/M/U? I see you an a person with incredible potential, and stronger writing skills will enhance your potential even more. You can strengthen your skills in a variety of ways, from simple journaling at home to attending writing workshops. While at S/M/U, choose courses that include assessed writing in order to challenge yourself."

without the cushioning we learnt in COMM101...
"you talk too much, so much so that you can't write. you need to spend a helluva time before you can improve, perhaps even your entire varsity days. i see you as a potential politician, stronger writing skills will garner more votes for you to lie and write less..."

guess it's time.

這幾天濄得很平凡卻很幸福。
但不曉得還有多久來享受這一切。
謝謝你。

Let µ represent the mean weight gained from studying in kilograms.

Null Hypothesis: µ=0
Alternative Hypothesis: µ≠0

omfg. just shut up n get back to books. but yar mugging makes one fat. so moral of story is gym even if its exam period.

REMINDER: infinity cardio after exams to get lean again!

i have no idea what im writing.

i miss my teh xi+kaya toast. i miss my honey camomile. both served warm.
i miss the warm shower after morning gym, before heading off to school.
i m turning into an ah pek fast. i think i like being an ah pek.

omfg i so hate myself for another chui sem. i just hope everyone is as chui as me, which is just wishful thinking. less than 48 hours from my first paper n im not even done yet. I DONT WANNA DA-BAO!

以為憑着你要的愛
能保護你一生一世

卻沒想濄那一份愛
也能奪走你的幸福

只好逐漸冷漠以對
目送你往幸福飛去

獨自原地蕭然暗泣

<<絶対彼氏 SP>> 觀後感

thought of forgiving when i woke up in the morning but as the day progressed, i m convinced i will be better off not doing so. too bad!

yay! another great day with my 寶貝 and stephen williamson. but i think i like my 寶貝 more. i think 寶貝 is the kind of friend one needs in school. just a few 寶貝s will do, to tide you over tough times in life.

thank you 寶貝!

last day of school! but im not happy. boohoohoo. i dont think i can finish studying in time for the exams. im so dead!

omg my nose is peeling!!! damn it. i will die of skin cancer before i even hit 30. someone buy me this...

i specify, i want oakley m frame sweep. colour i will decide later. JULY IS COMING!

i think im murdering myself.

i cant believe i woke up at 0520hrs on a saturday morning to reach bedok reservoir at 0615hrs and row with my smudb brothers. n i havent even rowed in the longest time, like 2.5 months? strokes all gone. wtf was i thinking...n riding on the first bus/train always adds to the gloom, the factory worker gloom.

but im glad i went to fulfill the promise i made to captain chian. 3 sets of 2km aint that tough. but i know i have a lot of catching up to do when i return from sailing regatta.

then it was sailing in the afternoon. scorching 3424957247547921374 degree celsius. seng leong's training, tough as always but effective. improving week after week, but concentration wasnt really there, kept forgetting to gybe my pole. must be the morning dboat training messing with my mind. n must learn to be 'lun zun' on the boat. i look malay now.

sunday was burnt at bedok reservoir again cos smu co-organised mr500 with sava. sian but felt obliged to help out. n was dreading the inter-school race...

...but economics came in third unexpectedly! right behind accountancy and information systems, thrashing business! bondue, eat my backwash! oikos is only gonna come back stronger next year.

best part: i had time to hang out with dboat frens whom i havent really had time to talk to in a while. really miss u guys. sorry i've been so busy. me too greedy, wanna have a finger in every pie.

n i had fun rowing with my dhsco-smudb senior weiling!

we rock!

ok study study study!